Monday, October 20, 2008

Brownie, Anyone?

Picking up where I left off with prompts, I've come to Angie's. Her suggestion was this:

It was, simply put, the worst day of my life. But then the mailman came in the late afternoon and...


…lo and behold, he had chocolate. Chocolate! Who doesn’t love chocolate? Maybe my cursed day would turn around yet.

“Heh’s some fudgy brahnies mah mam made. He’p yo’self,” he said.

Really, it was exciting. How many mail carriers barrel around with sweets in tow? And how had he known I’d need a pick-me-up at three p.m.? It was too good to be true, I thought. But when I eyed his weathered and wrinkled face, I saw goodness and honesty. He really was sharing his treat with me.

I hesitated in the doorway for what seemed minutes, suspended between a sudden ravenous hunger and ladylike decorum. Before I could stop it, my hand involuntarily reached for the daisy-patterned, chipped plate, my fingers closing around a square of yummy goodness. Heaven in my mouth!

It was as I eyed a second brownie that my throat began to feel funny, tight. And then the dizziness came, at which point I braced myself against the door jamb.

Looking to the man for help, I saw his kind face distort into an evil grimace.

“It’s really too bad, lady,” he said, all traces of his endearing accent gone, “ ‘cuz you shouldn’t’a ate a brownie.”

He pushed passed me, lurching for the table in my foyer. I tried to scream, to claw at his back, but he snatched my purse from its home before bounding back across the threshold.

He took off down my front path, throwing one last comment over his shoulder.

“It really was too bad.”

And the world went black.

21 comments:

Joanne said...

Another great story! You do really well with these. A lot of literary journals feature flash fiction. Have you considered writing a piece of flash and submitting to the journals?

Terri Tiffany said...

Great job--good twitst! Love your new picture!

thedomesticfringe said...

When I began reading I was thinking of the witch bringing Snow White an apple. Your story reminded me of Snow White. It was really good. I'll never eat anything my mailman may give me...NEVER!

Josh said...

awesome!

WendyCinNYC said...

Nice job? I agree about submitting your flash fiction pieces.

Janna Qualman said...

Joanne - I've heard of flash fiction, but never really looked into it. Wendy from Writes In The City does a lot of flash, and I'll have to get some tips from her. I'll check into it!

Terri - Thanks! You make me blush. :)

thedomesticfringe - Wow, that's awesomely cool! (And I wouldn't either.)

No, Josh. You ah! ;)

Janna Qualman said...

Thanks, Wendy! I think I'll check out the threads re: flash on AW.

Melanie Avila said...

Great story Janna! Does that change how you feel about brownies? ;)

Janna Qualman said...

Not a chance, Melanie. ;) Thanks!

Turkey Lurkey said...

Yikes! Great descriptions! Nicely done. :)

Angie Ledbetter said...

Aww, now, why couldn't it have been turnips offered by the mailman? LOL. Great spin from a short prompt. You got style, and I loved the switch in dialect with the changing of actions on the evil postman's part.

Pink Ink said...

Great job, Janna. I bet Snow White was really done in by brownies.

Janna Qualman said...

Yikes, indeed. ;) Thanks, Turk!

Angie, it was another great prompt. Thank you for offering it up!

Pink - LOL Thanks!

WendyCinNYC said...

Ohmigod! The question mark in my comment was a typo!

I said:

Nice job?

I meant:

Nice job!

LOL! Sorry!

Janna Qualman said...

It's okay, Wendy. I figured (hoped) that's what you meant. ;)

K.S. Clay said...

I love it and I agree about the dialect change. Great job.

Janna Qualman said...

Thanks, KS. I'm glad I thought to do that; it added an extra element that may have otherwise been absent.

colbymarshall said...

I've tried telling everyone the mailman shouldn't be trusted.

Janna Qualman said...

ROFL, so you have! :D

Janet said...

Ooo, poison brownies.

I guess her mother never taught her to refuse candy from strangers.

I liked this one.

Janna Qualman said...

Yes, and we should all let this be a lesson. Do not accept poison brownies from anyone, particularly those associated with the postal service.

:D