Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Still, Small (yet powerful)

I made a video post for today. Though the content is irrelevant for now, it was something I really wanted to share. I'll be honest. I thought the video was cute and charming. And I wanted you guys to see it.

Before uploading it, though, I started having second thoughts. I ramble too much. I'm a dork, there's no way to hide it. That thing I said, right there, sounded stuffy, or judgmental. I'm self-indulgent. And who's gonna want to see that?

So I prayed about it. I needed guidance, because if any of that was true, the video didn't need to be shared. I said, If that's the case, please make it clear to me...

It looked as though the video would process, no problem. I started glowing, excited, because it seemed I'd be starring on my blog again. Even after three, four hours, when the upload hadn't completed, I'd stopped looking for discernment. By then, I wanted it to work.

I canceled the upload, tried again. Then, when it still wasn't behaving, I left it uploading overnight. It would just take awhile, I figured. I'll wake in the morning, it'll have loaded and bam, video post.

Did you know I'm dense? Or stubborn. Both. Because when I woke to find the silly video was still processing, I started trouble-shooting. Maybe the internet disconnected, breaking the stream, it's locked up. Maybe the file size is too big; can I edit it down? Maybe if I stand on my left foot, whistle the call of the whippoorwill at .5 decibels, this thing will upload...

But hadn't I already gotten my sign? If I'd really been listening, I'd have known.

It makes me wonder how often I shrug off that still, small voice. How many times do I focus on what I want, instead of what I've asked for, which is His will?

Too often, probably. Too many.

I have to listen better.

This was my lesson. And instead of a video post, this is what I share.

38 comments:

Eileen Astels Watson said...

Janna, you and I share a similar problem. I'm often way behind on hearing His answer too.

thedomesticfringe said...

Sometimes I need to be bashed over the head too. It's sad, but true. At least it didn't load and you have nothing to regret. I do have some regrets over things I've written. It's work to listen and I don't always do the work.

-FringeGirl

Jan Cline said...

That's hilarious! Aren't we funny creatures - especially when it comes to getting our own way. It's great that you could poke fun at yourself, yet learn a powerful lesson.

Melanie Avila said...

I probably would have kept trying too. I'm glad you got your answer.

Kara said...

I do this ALL the time, all while praying for guidance or a sign. Sometimes I think God must get very frustrated with me:)

Tess said...

Ah...I would have loved a video post. But, you bring up a thoughtful and important lesson here. It's one I've learned the hard way, so it's good to be reminded.

Listen.

The Rejection Queen said...

I hope 2010 bring many beautiful opportunities to you!

Jody Hedlund said...

Sometimes God needs to whack us on the head for us to get the message doesn't he?! Thanks for sharing! I'm sure this is exactly what God wanted you to tell us today!

Jeanette Levellie said...

Thank you, dear Janna. I needed this role modeling of humility today. I often fall in the ditch trying to do things my way.

You are wonderful.

Lorna said...

Oh yes, the human mind is nothing if not persistent/stubborn -- at least mine is! Funny story to help us lighten up and listen more to that still, small voice. Somehow, I think there's infinite patience and maybe, maybe a sense of humor in the voice...thanks for the message!

Melissa Marsh said...

Oh boy, Janna, I can SO relate. God invariably tells me the answer or gives me signs, yet I ignore it. He keeps telling me, though, very gently and sometimes, when I don't get the hint, He whacks me over the head. ;-)

Shannon O'Donnell said...

That is a powerful lesson and one we all struggle with. We want to hear the voice, but we are seldom still long enough to stop and listen. :-)

Jill Kemerer said...

Okay, this post speaks to me. I've been guilty, guilty, guilty of the same thing. But it's amazing how peaceful I feel when I listen. Thanks so much for the reminder!

(And I still want to see that video!)

T. Anne said...

I'm right there with you! Good for you realizing which WIll to strive for.

Christopher said...

Well I guess it wasn't meant to be. I'm such a fan of self-indulgent dorks though (really)! So I'm a little disappointed. C'est la vie.

Texas Playwright Chick said...

LOL - still thanks for sharing the experience of the failed video. I was trying to upload a video the other day too, and to no avail. Oh, well, sometimes the answer is almost too quiet and gentle to hear right away.

destrella said...

Sometimes it's like how many angelic trumpet blasts do I need to hear before it sinks in..... :O)

Patti Lacy said...

Janna, did you push touch my button! I will actually be ARGUING with the Holy Spirit.


How much sense does THAT make?
Sigh.
Just happened YESTERDAY.

Patti
www.pattilacy.com/blog

Karen said...

I relate!! I'll even stomp my foot like a kid with a tantrum. Thanks for sharing. I think you made God smile.

lakeviewer said...

Nah, you just had technical difficulties. Don't give in or give up.

Donna M. Kohlstrom said...

I can relate! Why do you think I have brick prints in the middle of my forehead??? Because I don't stop and listen and keep running into the wall! LOL!

Hope you get the techno figured out because I've loved your videos before!

Jessica said...

This is so good. I know I must miss His voice often.
I'm sorry your video didn't load but maybe it's meant for another time. :-)

septembermom said...

You give us all such great perspective. I have to hit myself in the head practically to get to the right place. I can make things way too difficult for myself.

Need More Words said...

Funny that when God closes a door we grab a hatchet and start hacking away at it. I can so relate to what you wrote. God has got to be shaking His head at us, but I think sometimes He is smiling when He does it.
Diane

Lori said...

It takes a very wise person to see and listen to the small signs. But they are always worth paying attention to.

Woman in a Window said...

Boy, could I use a healthy dose of discernment! I wish everything I did took as long as the video uploading...then I'd save myself some grief!

xo
erin

Lynnette Labelle said...

LOL You silly girl. Thanks for making me laugh.

Lynnette Labelle
http://lynnettelabelle.blogspot.com

Sharla said...

Ditto!!!!! Doing that myself. In fact just had to do that on something day before yesterday, and for once, after I gave over the wheel, I actually got out of the way so He could sit down. And instead of chattering "Well? Well? Are you gonna tell me?" I actually shut up and let Him talk.

Amazing how well He drives when you don't make him sit in your lap. ;)

Elana Johnson said...

I believe everything happens for a reason. Maybe the next time you try it, it will upload and the person who's supposed to see it, will.

*hugs*

Terri Tiffany said...

And this post was supposed to be here for us today:) And I for one really really enjoyed the lesson!

Yolanda said...

I am waiting for the day when I can read your book I know it will be goo. I too am often way behind on hearing his answer.

Angie Muresan said...

I believe you are exceedingly brave to even contemplate a video post. I could never do it. But I would have loved to see you! It's been a while since I've prayed for signs. I remember the days I used to, and the answer was so clear.

Slamdunk said...

Very courageous and I look forward to watching it when you are ready.

I like your approach--it is something that I can definitely learn from.

Jen said...

Brilliant!!! I find a lot of times that I ask for something and then in the end want the opposite, though he always chooses whats best.

I love your blog and can't wait to continue reading more!

Faith Imagined said...

I am totally with you on this! Sometimes I allow my emotions to direct me instead of God.

Maybe God will allow you to post another video. I would love to watch it.

First Friday Fiction

She Writes said...

We all need the chance for our words to keep loading when they need too! Then we could question, rewind, rethink, take back...

loved this. I am guilty of praying one way and forging ahead!

Deb Shucka said...

I'm laughing at this wonderful story because I see a lot of myself in this. Thank you so much for sharing the story. Although I have to say, now I want to see the video.

Carol J. Garvin said...

I see I'm not alone. ;) It's a little like those times when I carry a burden to the Lord, set it down at his feet while I pray about it, and then pick it up and carry it off with me again when I'm done asking him for help. I just can't stick around long enough to find out if he's going to help carry it.