I made a video post for today. Though the content is irrelevant for now, it was something I really wanted to share. I'll be honest. I thought the video was cute and charming. And I wanted you guys to see it.
Before uploading it, though, I started having second thoughts. I ramble too much. I'm a dork, there's no way to hide it. That thing I said, right there, sounded stuffy, or judgmental. I'm self-indulgent. And who's gonna want to see that?
So I prayed about it. I needed guidance, because if any of that was true, the video didn't need to be shared. I said, If that's the case, please make it clear to me...
It looked as though the video would process, no problem. I started glowing, excited, because it seemed I'd be starring on my blog again. Even after three, four hours, when the upload hadn't completed, I'd stopped looking for discernment. By then, I wanted it to work.
I canceled the upload, tried again. Then, when it still wasn't behaving, I left it uploading overnight. It would just take awhile, I figured. I'll wake in the morning, it'll have loaded and bam, video post.
Did you know I'm dense? Or stubborn. Both. Because when I woke to find the silly video was still processing, I started trouble-shooting. Maybe the internet disconnected, breaking the stream, it's locked up. Maybe the file size is too big; can I edit it down? Maybe if I stand on my left foot, whistle the call of the whippoorwill at .5 decibels, this thing will upload...
But hadn't I already gotten my sign? If I'd really been listening, I'd have known.
It makes me wonder how often I shrug off that still, small voice. How many times do I focus on what I want, instead of what I've asked for, which is His will?
Too often, probably. Too many.
I have to listen better.
This was my lesson. And instead of a video post, this is what I share.