Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Keep It Real Tuesday

Independence

It means everything falls to me now.

If the sink has the dastardly nerve to leak, I figure out if it's something easily fixable, or whether a professional (ie. apartment maintenance) needs to be notified.

It's my job to keep up on my car's fluids. And not to forget to check tire pressure. Wash the whole thing, too.

Money? It's what I earn, and only what I earn.

There is no one else to make business-type phone calls. (And I hate making business-type phone calls.)

The hanging of pictures and wall things falls to me, even though I'm not good with measuring and centering and leveling. (I am quite good with a hammer and various tools, though, I'll give me that.)

When I end up with 1-ply toilet paper (dangitall), I have no one to blame but myself.

And lots of little things I'm learning about living on my own.

But. But.

Independence means I'm learning how to take charge.

Make decisions.

Grow up.

I'm learning it's okay to go with my first instinct, no second-guessing, because it is whatever I want, and right now a lot is all about me.

I can listen to the radio, and, when my kids are with their dad, sing the unedited versions of the songs, if I want.

I can have chocolate ice cream for breakfast. Or a toasted turkey sandwich. And make whatever it is that sounds good to not-picky-me for dinner. It's totally my call.

I can stay up until 1 AM, first watching a movie (KILLERS with Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl is adorable), and then reading a book that makes me cry like an eediot.

I can rebel and not brush my teeth, because I'm a free-thinking grown-up. (Even if I decide to do it anyway, because I do like having a clean and pretty mouth.)

I can come and go as I please. Lollygag. Walk around naked. Leave dirty dishes in the sink. Because there is no one to answer to but me.

Independence means lots of little things I'm learning about living on my own.

15 comments:

Melissa Marsh said...

This will be such a wonderful time of learning and growing and stretching for you. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. :-)

Michelle Wells Grant said...

Things (and people and situations ... even grim ones) fall into our path for a reason and usually it's because we have something to learn that will make us more complete. I bet you're about to put on a big growth spurt. Sometimes it's hard to embrace that idea when you're in the throes of it, but really ... it's all good. Thems my 2 cents! I'm sending positive thoughts your way but it sounds like you're doing great.

Patti said...

Such a great attitude. Like Melissa said, it won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

April said...

I remember feeling the same things when I separated from my ex. It's an amazing sense of freedom and self-realization. I think you're going to grow and learn so much about yourself during these times. This is good for you, and it fills my heart to see you recognize that. That's not to say it's easy. There will be days that are so hard, you'll want to give up. But you won't, and you'll grow stronger still because of the experience.

Liza said...

I have been in my own place of contemplation and had to back-read several posts to confirm what I expected when you hinted at an announcement. I wish you strength and confidence ahead.

septembermom said...

Love the confidence in your voice. You're going to write amazing pieces with this new independence!

Diane said...

Praying and hoping the best for you and your family. :O)

Indigo said...

I enjoy all the little independence things (except making those phone calls). That I still need someone to make for me or use a TTY and have a three way conversation. Blergh...

You discover parts of yourself that you didn't realize you had in these moments. You're going to shine sweet friend. (Hugs)Indigo

myletterstoemily said...

it's wonderful, on the one hand, and sort
of stinks on the other. :)

Slamdunk said...

Glad to hear that you are adjusting and facing challenges with a positive attitude. You are in my prayers Janna.

khushi said...

So good to hear the positive ring in your voice. This is going to be a great learning and discovering period. There's so much of 'you' that will surface...great going.

Deb Shucka said...

I can feel your growth from this post, like a flower reaching for the sun.

alicia.cluck said...

I love your attitude and your words. The opportunity to separate yourself from "mo-om" and "honey" and learn YOU again is an experience to savor. I pray God blesses you through it.

graceunderpressure said...

I noticed that every growth spurt is accompanied by some trips and falls. Don't let them discourage you. (It happens physically when Brain tells Leg to move. Leg moves, but is longer, so Foot no longer lands where it used to...oops!)

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