It weren’t what I wisht fer my wife. I wanted ‘er taked care of. But I got sick, ya know. And things, theys happened so fast. I lost my job at th’ mill. And the insurance done run out ‘fore th’ medical bills finished comin’. An’ then I’s gone.
Suri got left wit’ a lot when I died. Left wit’ too much. Our’n son, th’ no good bugger, God love ‘im, said he’d help ‘er. But all he did was help ‘er clean out th’ bank account. Only he didn’t give ‘er nothin’. She ain’t seen 'im since.
An’ now, when I looks down from th’ Great Glory Above, I sees ‘er. She huddles on th’ walk, lookin’ old ‘n’ frail. My Suri. She’s wore down, I knows. But she keeps tryin’ to sell them newspape’s o’ hers. It’s all she got. Th’ only way to earn ‘n’ eat.
I pray she join me soon. I wait fer ‘er here in Paradise.
(162 words)
21 comments:
Nice. Interesting perspective. In a piece of flash you can get away with using the dialectal forms snf the non-standard spelling too; it's not long enough to wear on the nerves.
You're a wonderful writer! Thanks for sharing the story you wrote in response to the picture. It touched my heart with great sadness. I love the dialect too.
Janna, great stuff! I can't participate in Kat's contest, 'cause that picture is me in 2 years selling papers in Santa Fe. :)
Janet - It's not where I thought I'd go! I was having trouble getting inspired, and then a snippet of this popped into my head. Had to run with it! (And Hubby said it was hard for him to read, what with the dialect.)
Donna - Thank you so much! You're so sweet.
Angie - *snort* LOL
Man. That is sad.
I liked the dialect!
Very nice, Janna. I can "hear" the husband talking.
I love these contests too--makes you really wonder where your brain will take you and you and I both went in similar but different directions:) Good job!
And you know I told everyone I wouldn't comment on the stories until after the contest was over...so I can say "Thank you..."
it's REALLY hard not to comment on the stories *laugh* -- gawd....
Spy - Oy! It's a good thing all my writing doesn't come out this sad. Talk about depressing!
Melissa - Thanks, I'm so glad to hear that! He "talks" to me, too. :)
Terri - I love how one single picture can take us each different directions.
Kat - Why, you're welcome! ;)
I always enjoy your short fiction, you have a great way with it. You seem to write flash with such ease!
I came over from Kathryn's to read your post. You are such a talented writer. This was great.
Joanne - Thank you! I often worry my longer fiction doesn't work out the same.
Debbie - What an amazing thing to hear! Thank you very much, both for coming by and for the sweet words. :)
Very interesting perspective. I have a problem with flash fiction...I tend to ramble. An exercise like this will do me some good. I'm headed that way. Thanks Janna.
Great share, Janna, and I left you an award on my blog,
hugs
A thought provoking picture and a really good piece you wrote.
-FringeGirl
Very good. A interesting perspective. Nicely done!
OOhhh! That is SO good. Just heartbreaking.
Ang - Good luck!
Kimmi - Thanks for the award!
FringeGirl - Provoking, indeed. And thank you! :)
Turkey - Thanks, ma'am.
Jessica - Thank you so much!
Very nice. I should really start doing these.
Lovely. Just lovely. Isnt it great when the idea pops up and you can let the pen go... or the keyboard!
Melanie - Yes. You should. :)
Ladybird - Thank you!
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