Still, Small (yet powerful)

I made a video post for today. Though the content is irrelevant for now, it was something I really wanted to share. I'll be honest. I thought the video was cute and charming. And I wanted you guys to see it.

Before uploading it, though, I started having second thoughts. I ramble too much. I'm a dork, there's no way to hide it. That thing I said, right there, sounded stuffy, or judgmental. I'm self-indulgent. And who's gonna want to see that?

So I prayed about it. I needed guidance, because if any of that was true, the video didn't need to be shared. I said, If that's the case, please make it clear to me...

It looked as though the video would process, no problem. I started glowing, excited, because it seemed I'd be starring on my blog again. Even after three, four hours, when the upload hadn't completed, I'd stopped looking for discernment. By then, I wanted it to work.

I canceled the upload, tried again. Then, when it still wasn't behaving, I left it uploading overnight. It would just take awhile, I figured. I'll wake in the morning, it'll have loaded and bam, video post.

Did you know I'm dense? Or stubborn. Both. Because when I woke to find the silly video was still processing, I started trouble-shooting. Maybe the internet disconnected, breaking the stream, it's locked up. Maybe the file size is too big; can I edit it down? Maybe if I stand on my left foot, whistle the call of the whippoorwill at .5 decibels, this thing will upload...

But hadn't I already gotten my sign? If I'd really been listening, I'd have known.

It makes me wonder how often I shrug off that still, small voice. How many times do I focus on what I want, instead of what I've asked for, which is His will?

Too often, probably. Too many.

I have to listen better.

This was my lesson. And instead of a video post, this is what I share.

Let It Be a Lesson

Two nights ago I awoke about 1 a.m. And as a mom who's often up a few times a night to check kids or visit the loo (a bladder is never the same, eh?) it was no big deal... until I couldn't get back to sleep.

My WIP wouldn't let me be, wouldn't stop poking and prodding me with important thoughts to get down. Thankfully, I actually had a notebook on my nightstand, ready to go.


I wrote some furious notes in the dark (so as not to disturb hubby, of course). And then a memory of someone's comment from this post came back to me, and I worried, "What if my pen is out of ink? What if there's nothing there tomorrow morning?" I had to check, just to be sure.



When I turned on the light, I saw this:

It seems I can't turn the page when I'm half-asleep. Instead, I stack notes on top of notes. It took me thirty minutes to decipher the scribbles.

Let it be a lesson: Turn on the light! Or, at the very least, write one word per page.